The task of Dealing With Unruly Teenagers

Article by Mike Monaghan

Teenagers can be a handful at the best of times, but if you’re faced with the task of dealing with unruly teenagers, the demand on your parenting skills can be exhausting.

Just when you think you’ve mastered parenting of youngsters, and think you’ve solved every child-rearing problem, the teen years present you with an enormous new challenge.

A teenager views the world differently to a youngster – as parents, you are not the greatest role-models anymore, and they begin to question everything around them, including themselves, in an effort to find, and establish their own identity. When new values, priorities, viewpoints and rules are developed within your teenager’s individuality, they often come into conflict with those of your own.

It’s therefore not enough to just play the “lord and master” role – respect has to be earned on both sides, rules have to be mutually agreed upon, values have to be discussed, and priorities have to be compromised.

The whole pattern of your family-life is disrupted, and it’s hard for you and your child to accept that changes have to be made. The greatest fault you can make in parenting a teenager is expecting, without question, that your authority is unquestionable; this is true for all young adults, but especially when dealing with unruly teenagers. If you want a harmonious relationship with your teenager it has to be based on mutual respect and understanding – not on the bullying discipline of earlier generations.

The role of the parent alters when the child becomes a teenager. You are not the “Great Protector” anymore, you’re not even the leader – your role is one of guidance and support, while the child learns the ropes of becoming an adult.

You are no longer the controller – instead you are a superviser who is always there for your child when needed… and not before. Your advice should be “offered” instead of just given – likewise your viewpoint.

Children need more and more space, and distancing, the older they get. If you’ve been giving that to them gradually, as it was needed, the chance is good that your teenager won’t have anything serious to rebel against. And if the communication with your child has always been enthusiastic and open, then it won’t be too hard to talk to your teenager about his or her personal expectations and needs. Discussing the peculiarities of being a teenager with your children, while they are still pre-teen, is a good way to help them to prepare themselves for later on.

All teenagers can develop unruly behavior when they feel they feel they are getting a raw deal – when they feel unfree to be the person they think they want to be. Their choices and self-image can be far removed from what you hoped for – and therein lies the crux of the problem: because unruly teenagers are not a problem for themselves, only for the authority governing them.

You cannot change rebellious and unruly teenagers with discipline and rules alone, and you shouldn’t try it either. But what you do need to do is to work on ways to create open discussion and communication between you and your child, so you can work out your conflicts democratically.

Remember though, that if you don’t succeed in this, it doesn’t mean that you are a failed parent. Every child, every parent, every family is unique, and so are the conflicts. And if you feel that your particular situation is getting out of hand, then it is advisable to seek professional help – before the “normal” teenager problems develop into more serious behavioral, emotional or mental disorders.

About the Author

I’ve spent 12 years working in a special-education school, and I am a father to a teenager. For parent/teenager help and guidance online visit the wonderful Online-Parent-Support: http://47182hn5nffx6ze-55t2c2hm3v.hop.clickbank.net/and check out my review of this program here:http://blogwordarticles.blogspot.com/2010/04/deal-with-unruly-teenagers-online.html